En Vogue

"I remember how it used to be

You never was this nice, you can't fool me

Now you talkin' like you made a change

The more you talk, the more things sound the same"

(En Vogue, "My Lovin' (You're Never Gonna Get It)")

Hockey season is almost upon us folks! And unlike in previous years, I am somewhat optimistic about the Blueshirts’ prospects this season. Why you ask? Surely, I have little reason for optimism. After all, this offseason the Rangers signed another underachieving Russian prima donna in Alexander Frolov (also see Nikolai Zherdev) and upgraded (?) their goon factor in Derek Booagard; I guess Donald Brashear was too “soft” and “smart” for their lineup. Additionally, the Rangers have now drafted their 3,455th defensemen. However, of the Rangers’ 3,455 defensemen, Marc Staal (aka “the golden child”) remains unsigned. It appears that Glen Sather is not under any urgency to sign Staal, although he has gone on record as saying that he would match any offer that Staal receives from another team. This is surely a shrewd move by a very astute and calculating businessman. Unless….wait…nope…he’s a moron. How is it possible that a general manager of a professional hockey franchise is willing to let his prize defensemen dangle in purgatory? Maybe Sather is waiting for other teams to drive up the price on Staal so that he could sign him for . . . less money? Oh, right, I forgot that the winning formula for any enterprise is to tie up all your money in a single entity . . . who needs to diversify their portfolio? Certainly not the Rangers. Do En Vogue’s timeless lyrics make sense to you now?

Prediction: The New York Rangers are going to perform much better than expected this year (despite popular belief). I am expecting a strong start, followed by a gradual decline, followed by a slightly above-average second half, followed by floundering into the playoffs, followed by the Stanley Cup!!!!!!! That’s right, I said it! Lord Stanley is coming to the Garden!!!! And as I will sit with the my loving wife and my two bestest friends watching the final seconds wind down in triple overtime of game seven, with the Rangers up 3-2 on the Detroit Red Wings I will shed big, salty tears of joy! I love this team, I love New York, Go Rangers!!!!

And now…your moment of zen (Oh, Hank, stop doing photo shoots with the Olsen twins):