Does Misery Really Love Company?

New York features three professional hockey franchises: Sabres, Rangers, and Dear God Please Build a New Arena in Long Island. Two of these three teams employee the absolute worst general managers in professional sports. Glen Sather "mans the helm" (or, "persons the helm" for my vast feminist constituency) in Manhattan, and Garth Snow has reverted back to polytheism because no single god can save the debacle in Nassau County.

Today, Garth Snow announced that the Islanders agreed to terms with goalie Marty Biron. Last season, Biron played with the Flyers and led them to the eastern conference finals. Pretty good. When asked to comment on Biron's signing, Snow stated, "Adding Marty gives us three bona fide No. 1 goalies. We learned about the importance of stability in our lineup from last year and he now allows us to have another quality starter." Pop Quiz: What part of Snow's comment made me collapse on the floor, regain consciousness, and laugh uncontrollably?

Yep, you guessed it, it's the "three bona fide No. 1 goalies" line. Are you kidding me? Don't you have Rick "I Really Deserve My Salary...oh man, I can't say that with a straight face" DePietro? And what about the second goalie whose name I don't know and don't want to look up? Or, wait a tick! Is the second goalie...Garth Snow?!? Yes, he used to be a No. 1 goalie, but that is before he retired, attended business school, obtained years of managerial experience and was hired to manage the worst team in hockey.

But before Snow becomes the laughing stock of the NHL (if he isn't already), perhaps he's developed some brilliant plan. Maybe, just maybe, he plans to play all three goalies every game?!? No, not a different goalie each period, but all three at the same time. Think about it, three goalies in full padding blocking the net. They'd be impenetrable. The Islanders can fill the rest of the line up with players from the Great Neck Persian Predators Pee Wee hockey league. This way, they save on salary and may get a goal or two, which is all they would need with three goalies.

Wait. With three paid goalies and eighteen unpaid Persian pee wee hockey forwards, the Islanders will generate vast profits (and free carpeting)...allowing them to build a new arena...attract more fans....and save hockey on Long Island. Diabolical!!!! Snow is an Evil Genius!

But seriously. Does Misery Really Love Company? Of Course Not! I find no solace in the fact that the Snow makes slightly more terrible decisions than Sather. Both guys suck...both teams suck...Let's Go Rangers!